"Jump Around" by Vanilla Ice

 

On his 2008 album "Hey, Guys!  I'm Still Relevant!  Wait Up, Guys!  Please, Wait Up!", Robert Van Winkle lays down an aggressive guitar-heavy version of House of Pain's hip hop classic "Jump Around."

It's not awful... it's not.

But, the relentless bassline and repeating squeal of a tenor sax found in the original were gone... and, because they were the backbone of the song, and what undoubtedly made it ridiculously infectious, efforts to spice this remake up with rock rap unions fell almost as flat as a Dr. Pepper left uncapped in the sun for too long.

I respect the hustle of MC Vanilla, though, and his clawing himself out of total obscurity.  Otherwise, we'd have no "Vanilla Ice Goes Amish."

"Son of a Preacher Man" by Hanne Boel

 

Once you work your way around the bizarre intro that sounds like the end of George Michael's "Father Figure" played on sitar, this is a passable, if not really decent, cover of Dusty Springfield by Danish songstress and music professor Hanne Boel.

I can think of no better cover song to listen to while wearing a bathrobe and snorting coke off of a vanity mirror while spying on Vincent Vega through your mansion's internal security cameras.

"You Keep Me Hanging On" by Vanilla Fudge

 

Two lava lamps are perched on the shelf of a Spencer's Gifts store in Rapid City, South Dakota when Vanilla Fudge's cover of The Supremes' "You Keep Me Hanging On" starts playing over the intercom system.

The first lamp says "Say, Brotha'.... This song is the most '70s thing that I've ever heard."

The second lamp says "Far out, man.... a talking lava lamp!  That's freaky deaky."

"Crystalised" by KRAFT

 

KRAFT is a Brazilian music prodigy who has spent most of his young life creating beats or infusing them into existing rockers.

Here, he adds a dance element to "Crystalised" by The xx.

In his spare time (which is pretty sparse, considering he released six albums worth of club remixes since 2020, beginning with "Quarantine Dreams"), he likes to mass produce individually wrapped cheese slices.

"Sledgehammer" by Lowland Hum

 

Imagine that Peter, Paul, and Mary are time travelling musicians who land in the year 1846.  While following the Oregon Trail from a gig in Independence, Missouri to one in Bear Valley, California, the trio become trapped in an early snowfall near the Sierra Nevada mountain range.  Paul contracts dysentery, and the other two music makers must resort to cannibalism to survive the harsh winter.

I believe that encapsulates the sound that Lowland Hum were gunning for.

Here, they lend their vocal harmonies to Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer."

"I Think I Love You" by Less Than Jake

 

Gainesville, Florida ska-punkers Less Than Jake sound just like The Partridge Family would have if, early in their career, they had traded lots of paisley and two gingers for a trombone and a sixth round draft choice.

"Vasoline" by The Groove Machine

 

Between their 13 monthly Spotify listeners and 17 views of this video on Youtube, I have no idea how I happened across The Groove Machine.  My best guess is that they're a Swedish or Norwegian  band, judging from how often they play Stockholm, and the number of people named Skjalg who comment on their videos on social media.

I love their cover of Stone Temple Pilots' 1994 offering "Vasoline," and I hope to do my part to raise their viewership into at least the mid 20s.